A more closer look at the second bar chart reveals that It can be seen that while France and Spain b

The two graphs illustrate the number alteration of British tourists travelled china tour packages abroad with that of International china tour packages visitors to the United Kingdom over a-20-year period between 1979 and 1999 and the 5 major countries were frequently visited by British inhabitants.
As per information, china tour packages the former initially leveled at approximately 13 million before climbing up to six fold at the end of the survey period. By comparison, the latter number saw a slight different which was less than that of the British tourists in the beginning and faced identical yet less intensive trends, reaching approximately half as high by the end of the century.
A more closer china tour packages look at the second bar chart reveals that It can be seen that while France and Spain become china tour packages the largest numbers china tour packages of British tourists with about 11 and 9 million visits respectively, Turkey was the least popular among the five, travelled by only around 30% as many British as France.
andial: A more closer look at the second bar chart reveals that It can be seen that while France and Spain become the largest numbers of British china tour packages tourists with about 11 and 9 million visits respectively, Turkey was the least popular among the five, travelled by only around 30% as many British as France. ... your sentence seem too long, and also make reader confusing. It is better for you to separate it. However, more than one sentence rather than one sentence for a second detail paragraph more well organized. Also, I am not an expert grammar, but my blue aligned make me confused,I just know while is rarely using next to that directly...
3. Give the detail (Give details with reference to the data. Organize body paragraphs by grouping data together where there are patterns. Easiest way to do this is by identifying any similarities and differences)
I agree with dumi. You write quite well, but here you need to adopt a more appropriate tone for the task. This is different to IELTS TASK2 , the independent essay for which you experience much more freedom :) Further, I like if you included more data in your detail body paras. They seem to be a bit too sleek than they should be :D
My IELTS Task 1 Reports (UK citizens travel abroad and the countries visited) IELTS-CAM4-TRAVEL TO AND FROM THE UK AND MOST POPULAR COUNTRIES FOR UK RESIDENTS IELTS Task II : Briton vehicle developing IELTS Graph: Most popular travel destinations for UK people IELTS : Boarding schools are getting more popular in some countries. Good or bad? IELTS, Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular Travel or Living Experiences in other countries Travel helps to increase understanding between countries Travel broaden the horizon and knowledge; communications between countries IELTS task2 : How should visitors behave when they travel in other countries?